5 Stages of Burnout That High Performing Entrepreneurs Should Know with Claire O’Connor
Dec 09, 2025
Listen on Spotify | Listen on Apple Podcasts
How to recognise the signs early, protect your energy, and recover fast without stepping away from the business you’ve worked so hard to build.
Key Takeaways
- Burnout has five stages. Spotting which one you’re in helps you stop the slide before it hits crisis.
- The most driven entrepreneurs are usually the most vulnerable.
- Functional freezing is your body’s way of saying “enough.” Listen to it.
- The 3-2-1 nightly reset can calm decision fatigue and restore mental clarity fast.
- Slowing down your yes builds boundaries that keep you balanced and in control.
“What your mind can’t tell you, your body will.” - Claire O’Connor
Understanding the Early Signs of Entrepreneur Burnout
Most entrepreneurs who burn out, do so because they care too much. They’re the ones who can’t switch off. The ones who finish work, check email again, and promise themselves it’s the last time.
In this Master Your Business interview, I, Deirdre Martin talk with Claire O’Connor, a burnout recovery coach who helps high-performing entrepreneurs bounce back in just a few weeks. Claire spent years researching burnout while living through it herself…twice. She’s on a mission to show ambitious people how to recover without stepping away from what they’ve built.
“Usually burnout happens to really passionate people,” Claire says.
“Be careful you’re not using your strengths against yourself.”
Phase 1 — The Honeymoon Stage
At first, burnout doesn’t look like burnout at all. It looks like success. You’ve just landed new clients, nailed your launches, or hit a major milestone. Your energy is probably high and your productivity even higher. You feel unstoppable…and that’s the danger.
“There’s high productivity, high energy, but it cannot last forever.”
This is the phase where entrepreneurs start to equate exhaustion with excellence. The key is catching yourself before you cross that line. If you’ve been sprinting for weeks without pause, you’re not building momentum, you’re burning the fuel you need to preserve so you can thrive.
Claire suggests that you try blocking off small recovery pockets in your week. A real lunch break where you actually step away from the computer, or meet a friend. And an evening without screens. Tiny acts of rest protect your bigger goals and your nervous system.
Phase 2 — The Slow Drain
The second stage is quieter. You still perform well, but your capacity shrinks. The days feel a bit longer, but at the same time, your patience becomes a little shorter. You know you can’t sustain this pace, but you tell yourself you’ll slow down after the next project.
“I know it can’t last forever, but I’m expected to have this standard so I shall push through.”
This is where most entrepreneurs double down instead of dialing back. And usually the pressure comes from inside themselves. It’s not pressure anyone else is putting on you. Often you see founders as they try to outwork fatigue. But pushing harder only speeds up the slide back down.
If you’re here, simplify your workload. Delay decisions that don’t need to be made today. Start saying, “Let me get back to you once I’ve checked my schedule.” That single phrase gives you room to breathe and think.
Phase 3 — Chronic Stress and Functional Freezing
By stage three, you’re still functioning, but barely. You can deliver for clients, hit deadlines, and you likely even “appear” composed. Then you leave the office and the smallest thing, like making dinner or folding laundry feels impossible.
“You summon every piece of energy you have for this task… then after that, you’ve nothing left to give.”
That’s functional freezing. Your system is running on fumes. Your body is doing the work your brain refuses to process.
Here’s where Claire’s 3-2-1 nightly reset becomes powerful:
- 3 things that went well today
- 2 things you’ll focus on tomorrow
- 1 thing you’re proud or grateful for
It sounds simple. The reason it works is because it interrupts self-criticism and restores control. It’s less about journaling and more about teaching your nervous system how to wind down.
Phase 4 — The Crash
This is the point where the body takes charge. Maybe it’s back pain that won’t quit, insomnia, anxiety, or a sudden illness. Claire learned it the hard way: after months of overworking, she woke up unable to lift her head off the pillow.
“You’re driving with the hand brake on. Eventually, the car stops.”
At this stage, forcing productivity is pointless. What you need is repair. Call in all the support you can muster, whether that’s medical, emotional, or operational. Cancel what’s not urgent. Protect your mornings for recovery and your evenings for calm. During this phase, the goal isn’t to bounce back fast, it’s to rebuild from something sustainable.
Phase 5 — Habitual Burnout
You recover, feel better, and… but unknowingly or knowingly, dive right back into the same patterns. That’s habitual burnout. The loop that keeps you stuck. Entrepreneurs here aren’t lazy or reckless. They just haven’t built new defaults yet when people ask them to do things. The people pleaser or hyper achiever in them wants to do it all. What you could do is create simple boundaries.
“Say, ‘I’ll get back to you on that when I check my schedule.’”
Boundaries are what break the cycle. Write clearer contracts. Add a “scope limit” section so scope creep doesn’t happen. Create a simple process for client add-ons. The magic isn’t in saying no all the time, it’s saying yes slower and smarter.
Once you practice that a few times, it becomes second nature. That’s when you know you’re out of the loop.
Subtle Signs You’re Already Burning Out
Burnout doesn’t always announce itself with a breakdown. Sometimes it shows up as indifference. You find yourself staring at your dinner but not hungry. You scroll on social media or your favourite sites, but nothing feels interesting. You stop caring, or you care too much.
When you start saying, “It’s just a busy season,” you’re already there.
Do a micro-reset:
- Hydrate before coffee.
- Step outside for ten minutes a day.
- Stop working one hour earlier once a week.
Small tweaks like this reintroduce rest without losing progress.
“Most people blow burn out off as just a busy season.”
Building Habits That Heal
Forget massive overhauls. When you’re burned out, anything big feels ridiculously big, so start ridiculously small. Claire swears by the fifteen-minute rule: commit to an action for fifteen minutes, nothing more. It might be walking, journaling, stretching, or prepping real food.
“Keep it stupidly simple. Fifteen minutes at a time.”
The win isn’t the completion of the action, it’s the repetition. Once the habit exists, stack another one beside it. Over time, you stop trying to “recover” and start living differently.
Summing It Up
Burnout doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’ve been strong for too long without rest. Every entrepreneur hits that edge of chaos eventually. The difference is whether you notice it and change course, or wait for your body to force you to change course.
Start tonight. Write your 3-2-1. Take a real break. Say no once this week. Small choices rebuild big capacity.
Ready for more tools and real stories on recovering from burnout? Listen to the full episode with Claire O’Connor on Master Your Business and learn how to get back to your brilliant self.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if I’m burned out or just tired?
If rest doesn’t help and you wake up exhausted, you’re likely past normal fatigue.
Can I burn out doing work I love?
Yes. That’s when it’s most common. Passion masks stress until the body intervenes.
What’s the fastest way to recover?
Start with awareness. Then practice the 3-2-1 reset nightly for a week.
How do I set better boundaries without losing clients?
Use clarity over confrontation. “Yes, I can do that, here’s the timeline and cost.” You could also re-contract.
Is burnout reversible?
Absolutely. Recovery is about redesigning how you work and live.
Related Articles and Resources
- 3 Ways To Reduce Founder Decision Fatigue Today
- How to Scale with Anti-Hustle Entrepreneurship
- How to Build a Scaleable Offer That Won't Burn You Out
- Stop Fixing Weaknesses: Start Scaling with Gallup Strengths
- How to Become a Neuroeffective Business Owner that Scales with Ease
Connect with Claire O’Connor – Burnout Recovery Coach
Connect with the Host — Deirdre Martin
- 🌐 deirdremartin.ie
- 🧠 Work With Deirdre: Book a call → https://calendly.com/deirdremartincx/first-business-soiree-instagram
Watch or Listen to the Full Episode
Apple Podcasts → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-master-your-business-podcast/id1667327376
YouTube → https://youtube.com/@deirdremartinmyb?si=haAZF5yY4X8pYSbN
Tools Mentioned + More Resources
- Claire O’Connor’s Burnout Quiz — Quick self-assessment to find your burnout stage.
- Positive Intelligence Saboteur Assessment — Identify self-sabotaging patterns that drive overwork. positiveintelligence.com/assessments
- Atomic Habits by James Clear — A field-tested guide to building habits that last.
Full Transcript
[00:00:00] Why burnout hits high performers hardest
Deirdre Martin: You know when you're feeling a little bit exhausted? Well, here's the thing. Most burnout doesn't actually look like a breakdown. It looks like you still showing up, still producing. Still performing, still fine, still grand, still great until your body finally signals. No, your brain stops working in the way that it should, and everything starts to feel a little bit like you're pushing water up the fricking hill.
If you are a coach, a consultant, or a service provider, you my friend, are the engine of your business, which means. If you experience burnout, it's not just gonna be a vibe killer for you. It's also going to be a revenue killer. I'm Deirdre Martin, business mentor, author, and you're no BS guide to building a six figure business that doesn't burn you out.
[00:00:50] Meet Claire O'Connor: burnout coach & recovery expert
Deirdre Martin: And today I'm joined by someone who doesn't just talk about burnout. She lived it, studied it, and now helps high performers recover in seven days or less. [00:01:00] Claire O'Connor is an absolute powerhouse. She's a four time all Ireland Kamogi champion, a master educator, a leadership coach, and a stage slang musical star no less.
And she's here to walk us through the five sneaky stages of burnout and the three shockingly simple steps to stop it in its tracks. By the end of this episode, you'll know exactly how to spot the earliest signs of burnout and what to do about it before your body or your business pays the price. Let's dive in.
Claire O'Connor, welcome to the Master Your Business podcast.
How you doing?
Claire O'Connor: Thank you very much, Deirdre. I might as well tell you I'm a huge fan. I've learned a huge amount from your podcast. Honestly, at times when you forget to do things, Deirdre comes in with another episode and I have something else to learn. So it's my privilege to be here.
Deirdre Martin: Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm like teary-eyed now. And so Claire, I brought you here because I know that you [00:02:00] are a fricking expert when it comes to burnout and that you help people experience relief from burnout in one week or less, which is like amazing because I've been burned out. I know how all consuming it is.
[00:02:15] Decision fatigue: the invisible driver behind chronic stress
Deirdre Martin: But first off, burnout. What is it?
Claire O'Connor: Well, there's lots of different definitions skimming around and the more you look, the more diverse it becomes. But really, from my own experience, and I guess you're gonna relate to this, to simplify it for anybody listening, it's physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by a continuous long period of chronic stress.
So if you are feeling stressed for a very long time and cannot snap out of it. You are on your road to full scale burnout.
Deirdre Martin: I've definitely been there. And, you know, recently I've been studying coaching with neuroscience and one of the things that has come up, and really I've recorded a solo episode about this, it's about decision [00:03:00] fatigue as well, and like your brain not being able to close the loop to make the decisions, which also is stressful in and of its.
Self too, right? Or
Claire O'Connor: Yeah, absolutely. There's decision making fatigue, actually more so in women than in men. Why? Because women hold many, you know, different worlds and responsibilities during the day. Men are a little bit better at handling that as well 'cause they don't get as emotionally invested.
It doesn't mean that men don't suffer from burnout. They do. It's 50% feeling burnout across healthcare, across the legal world. All those systems where it's high pressure all the time. The thing about women though, is we do get decision making fatigue more easily. And we tend to ignore our own suffering because we spend most of our time looking after other people.
I was no different when I burnt out. I'm sure you weren't Deirdre, but it's really important for women to recognize and men. If you are not able to put two good days together, [00:04:00] if you are not feeling any sort of emotion when your child draws you a picture and gives it to you, if you are, you know, retracting from social events, if you are feeling like I can't even make a decision.
That procrastination actually snowballs the impact of burnout. And like you say, that decision making, you can't close any loop.
[00:04:22] The honeymoon phase of burnout and why it feels so good
Claire O'Connor: What's interesting about burnout is it starts actually initially on a high, you could go through 12 phases of burnout, but for the purposes of today, you can kind of simplify it into five.
Step one is honeymoon phase. What does that look like? It kind of looks like I got a new job. We finally moved into our new house. There's a change in the schedule of the house. There's more responsibilities with kids and schedules and sports and activities, and it begins to snowball, but you are nailing it.
Oh my God, give me more. Is honeymoon phase. It's like there's high productivity, high energy, but it cannot last forever. And so when I say about the energy thing [00:05:00] that's really important. 'cause by the time you're burnt out, you have energy for nothing. Even though the stress nearly becomes numbed because you've just plane panned out, you just can't feel anything anymore.
But the onset then of burnout is stage two, which is oh, I'm starting to run out of a bit of energy here. I was really productive getting three or four tasks done in an hour for work, and my boss was delighted. But I can't keep up this pace. So the stress starts to kick in and you start to kind of kick back going.
I know it can't last forever, but I'm expected to have this standard so I shall push through.
Deirdre Martin: I see that a lot with clients, Claire, who own their own businesses. And whether it's sometimes delivery, let's say they take on too much work and they don't have the team to support them. So I've had clients tell me that they worked until three or four in the morning, and I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no.
We need to stop that. That's, that can't happen again. And, you know, putting the systems [00:06:00] in place to make sure it doesn't happen. And, you know, people say to me as well, Deirdre, like, that consistency, that grind sometimes with the marketing piece is really hard. And I'm like, mm-hmm. Well, let's take a step back and see what's going on and how can we slow that down, or maybe is there a better way for you to do it instead of pushing water up a hill, you know?
Yeah.
[00:06:20] Functional freezing: when your body forces you to stop
Claire O'Connor: Yeah. And that's what you do when you move into stages three, four, and five. So stage three then is like chronic stress which puts the body and the mind at dis-ease. So, you know, where I'm going with that dis-ease is disease and that's where it goes to. Could be mental, could be physical, could be emotional.
But you're definitely suffering at this point. One thing that might be really good for people to recognize if they're listening to this and say, oh my God, it sounds like me. It sounds like a lot of people up to stage three, but stage three is when functional freezing comes in, and that's like I summoned every piece of energy I have for this task.
Could be the day job, could be a [00:07:00] weekend event, could be an event for your business or for work. But then after that, you've nothing left to give. So picture yourself driving into your drive using every ounce of energy you've had to give your energy to the day, complete the task, and then at six o'clock and you have to make dinner and get onto schedules, the home schedule, the cleaning, the kids.
Maybe you don't have kids, but maybe you just, there's nothing left in the tank that's stage three. So if you kind of recognize, oh my God, that's me. This is a really good time to pause.
Deirdre Martin: Okay. Wake up. Listen and yeah.
Claire O'Connor: your body and mind are screaming and what your mind can't tell you. Deirdre, your body will, it's almost grinding to a halt.
You're walking with the hand brake on, you're driving with the hand brake on in your car. That's the sensation you have. It's like I, I have to push through. What's really interesting is people think, oh, burnout happens to people who hate their jobs or hate their manager, or hate their leader. [00:08:00] The opposite.
It's kind of counterintuitive. Usually it happens to really passionate people, really driven people who are willing to push through anything to get there. And I'll give you a really simple example is myself on my second burnout, it wasn't even my first, when I, one morning I was running a social event for my school.
I was in charge of basically a school bazaar for the first time, so I'll give you some context. It was never done before. I was doing it on my own, plus running a classroom of 36 kids, plus running all the sports teams. Today there's a committee of probably more than 60 people involved in running that bazaar.
So that was the responsibility I took on. Now I'm saying this because I didn't ask for much help, but I am a high performer. I do push through and one of my strengths is perseverance. So for anybody who's a high performer out there, or listening to this or owns their own business. If you are a high performer and you're pushing [00:09:00] through, be really careful that you're not using your strengths to your disadvantage.
That's exactly what I did. I persevered to get the job done. The next morning was a Monday morning and I could not lift my head off of the pillow of my bed, and I really realized, oh my God, this. I didn't even know what it was, Deirdre. I didn't know until I was, you know, I had to get taken care of medically.
What happened was I had actually burned my mouth a week previous, but kept taking medication to get to school, which ended up in a full blown infection in my whole body. I remember even during the event, taking medication to keep the pain away. Ridiculous. Perseverance, using my strengths against myself self-sabotaging on every level, and that is when my journey to recovery began.
It was a real realization. My body is telling me what my mind is not processing.
Deirdre Martin: Wow. And I honestly can say I have had a similar [00:10:00] experience for me. The first time I really felt it, I encountered it. It was always my body that signaled to me that this is happening. And it was cases where, let's say I was working all the hours and now I was in banking, you might going, how are you working?
All the hours, Deirdre, because I would stay late to help the team or I'd come in early to get stuff done for a client and all those things. But my first real symptom of it was when when I, again like that, then I'd come home and do all the stuff with the kids and the dog and my husband was working longer hours than me at the time as well, to be fair, but great support outside of that.
But what happened was I was in work and working through projects and working. At the time I was a lending manager, I was commercial lending manager, so I was advancing loans all day.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah,
Deirdre Martin: I'm going out to do client visits and site visits and stuff and see their businesses, how do their business work and all that sort of stuff.
And then I'd get back to the desk and I'd have to process it all and all that [00:11:00] sort of stuff. And anyway, like it was a lot of responsibility. 'cause you'd have pressure from clients, you'd have pressure internally to lend, and then you'd have the lenders going, yes, we will. Or we won't do that for whatever reason.
And you know, and then you have all the responsibilities on top of it. My mom was actually sick and dying as well at the time, so I had that going on. Mm-hmm. And yeah, there was loads happening and what started to signal for me was my back. And it's interesting, if you've ever read Louise Hayes stuff, it's like, you know that pressure on your shoulders, that weight mm-hmm.
On your shoulders. It's like you're carrying the world on your back. And that's exactly what it was for me. I felt like I was carrying the world on my back and it got to the stage where when I go to stand up from my desk at work, or out the chair, or outta my bed in the morning. It would take me about two minutes to actually get straight.
I had the weight of the world and my back. I was bent into.
Claire O'Connor: Mm-hmm.
Deirdre Martin: Until finally my back went, my back snapped. Yeah. And I had three months nearly in bed and [00:12:00] getting physio and on medication to get right before I could go back to work. And it was literally that it was the weight of the world and my back, and that's how I felt at the time.
Yeah, but what's interesting, I think, Claire, with this and I'm learning more about this as I study coaching with neuroscience, is that sometimes we're a bit like pressure cookers, aren't we?
Claire O'Connor: Hmm.
Deirdre Martin: Neuros women.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah.
Deirdre Martin: But even,
Claire O'Connor: even men. Yeah.
[00:12:25] Boundaries, self-awareness, and the myth of "busy seasons"
Claire O'Connor: But the thing is, Deirdre, we can't sometimes recognize it.
Hmm. That's the problem is that we don't know because culture now celebrates 12 hour working days and that pace is what's expected or it's just become normalized. So a lot of people don't even know what their normal is anymore 'cause they're pushing through. But what you say there is. Physical, mental and emotional exhaustion due to the variety of roles you are doing.
And, you know, you're at the point of chronic stress and fatigue, which is way beyond stage three. It's stage [00:13:00] four, it's hardcore burnout. And you just can't think anymore. It's like you're grinding to that halt, you know, driving with the handbrake on and your mind couldn't process it.
So what's really, really important is. At that point, recognizing that it is burnout. Stage four is burnout. Stage five is habitual burnout, which is getting outta burnout for a while, relaxing, taking the foot off the pedal in the car, you know, releasing the hand brake, driving forward again, like all driven people do.
And the next thing, we fall into the cycle of overworking chronic stress just to push through. Persevere, win. That's what happens. And that was me as well. It was that habitual burnout. It was IBS the first time, couple years later, it was this full scale infection. So thank you for actually recognizing that it is in your body.
It eventually comes to your body, and that's really important for especially clients of [00:14:00] yours or anybody listening. If they're running their own business, you are the most likely to burn out. But you are driven, you are passionate, you are extremely high potential person. You also have the best potential to recover quickly.
So you say three months in bed with your physical pain, but you can come outta burnout. Now, a holiday's not going to fix it. A holiday, a one week holiday in sun doesn't fix it. But what's interesting is it took you three months to recover in bed from the physical pain. But it also provided you the opportunity to reset emotionally and mentally.
Deirdre Martin: Yeah. And the thing is, like folks listening, you are the biggest asset in your business. Mm-hmm. If this is happening to you, it's time to do something about it. And like Claire, as you're talking. I'm just picturing somebody I know who I've reached out to, to help because I can see them on that cycle of habitual burnout.
I'm like, you're need to go and speak to this person again. Yeah. From talking to you. 'cause that's exactly what's happening [00:15:00] to her. And what's interesting too, I think is like in that pressure cooker, what I see happening, and I've seen it with colleagues, peers. Team members over the years is that people wear masks.
I think when this mm-hmm. On, and sometimes the masks might be for themselves, nevermind like. You know, like they're masking it themselves. And it could be they become agreeable. You know, they're just like, they can't say no because they don't have the willpower or they're persevering to your point. So they're just agreeable.
And I think other times they freeze when they're in that pressure point as well. And on top of that, I'd say there's a few other masks. That people are putting on when they're just trying to push through, have
Claire O'Connor: Absolutely. Yeah. Masking is huge. Masking is huge. And they think they're masking, but actually everybody else can see the signs.
It's funny, like an unfinished job. You can't put in your proper ability and capabilities into your job because you just don't have it [00:16:00] in the tank. So you might think, oh, this is good enough. But it's absolutely not. You might see somebody who's really hurt, but you don't care because you can't dive that deep emotionally.
And the another thing that's worth noting Deirdre, is if somebody is sleeping and resting, but they're not waking up rested, it's like this condition of feeling like you need to sleep all the time, but you actually can't rest. It's not restful. So I see the masking a lot. But the masking isn't actually true.
It's still, the cracks come through. The work is under, you know, under par in every performance in every area of your life. And I mean, performance as just surviving, I don't mean like on stage hands shaken, you know, I just mean the basic, everyday standard performance is to live a good and fulfilled life is just completely gone.
The other thing I'd say is. A lot of the reasons that burnout comes in the first place is often like the WHO says that it's due [00:17:00] to workplace stress. Yes to a point, but if you're a caregiver at home or if you have a, just a jam packed agenda to keep all the balls rolling for the many people in your family, burnout doesn't just happen in the workplace.
It can happen for being the consistent caregiver to. A child or a parent or an elderly person. So we have to be really careful 'cause you're giving care, you're giving your emotion, your mental capacity, your energy. Another thing that's worth noting is that oftentimes burnout comes because there are a lack of boundaries, whether it's in the workplace with the job spec.
The expectation at work, the time boundary of how much time you give to the job, lack of clarity from your leader. And the psychological safety is absent. Like, what does my boss expect? When does he expect
Deirdre Martin: it? Sorry, Claire, I don't that can apply to if you are a business owner and you haven't clarified the scope of your [00:18:00] deliverables, maybe with a client.
Maybe if the client is asking for extra things and you're doing them, but maybe without contracting for them, so that then the work expands on your part. You're not being paid for it, but maybe you haven't managed the client's expectations around, you know what that Absolutely. I can do that for you.
It just won't be today or tomorrow. Or next week. It'll be next week. You know, those boundaries, being boundaried around that is huge. Yeah. So I, you bring this up, Claire
Claire O'Connor: It comes from lack of clarity. And that lack of clarity is not just in your job. That lack of clarity starts with you, which is very much based around self-awareness.
Believe me, I am a very capable person, but I did not have self-awareness when I was burning out twice. I didn't have it. I didn't even know what burnout was. I just thought, this is the expectation. This is the level I have a standard to keep that I've set. My uncle actually said to me that second time I burnt out.[00:19:00]
You burnt your mouth Claire, but you're burnt out. It was the first time that somebody labeled it to me and he was a psychotherapist, and I was, I remember at the time, sitting in front of my fire. It was as miserable as I was. I couldn't even get the fire going, and I would talk about symbolism in my real life.
I was like, oh God, I was miserable as the fire. But that was it. I couldn't move off the couch. I was. Sitting there crying and he could see it. 'cause he was educated and trained. But that self-awareness, I needed him to spell it out. He spelt it out to me. I was, and then I was mortified. Because the high performer wants to succeed and so does everybody you work with.
They are just up there. So that's how I ended up doing two and a half years of research on people who have burnt out. Pretty much all of them are high performers. Pretty much all of them have multiple roles. Multiple roles Could just be job plus kids. That is multiple roles. And they all would say the same thing.
And the lack of self-awareness, they were completely [00:20:00] dedicated to everybody's else's schedule. They were completely psychoanalyzing. Everybody they worked with, what are their expectations of me guesswork all the time. And constantly, you know, on that hamster wheel of go, go, go till they flatlined.
Deirdre Martin: That's mad isn't it?
Because I think it probably people who think that, you know, who do you look at who's going to burn out? You think it's probably going to be, I dunno, like doctors, surgeons, you know, and probably they do, but like what are other misconceptions or types of people that you are seeing burning out a lot and that they're like, they're not even realizing it.
They're completely getting it wrong around that.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah, like I have worked with everyone from CEOs to president of the marketing committee of massive global companies to a stay at home mom. It can happen anywhere, and it all comes back to self-awareness and self-regulation. And I was in education for 20 years.
[00:21:00] Self-regulation and wellbeing is now only being equated to maths English on the level of importance in the education system. 'cause I facilitated the education of the staff bodies and the department for it. But this is the thing we are not educated in, in, I don't mean self care 'cause.
Honestly, it's self-awareness. Who am I, what am I capable of? Interestingly, Brene Brown did a self-awareness study on thousands of people. 85% of them thought they were self-aware, but when she tr put them through the test and the quiz, it was only 10 to 15%. So shocker, burnout is happening. It's in over 50% of the workplace.
But what's really great about it is if you are that driven person, you have the potential to recover. But it does start with awareness. Where am I? Like, I didn't even know what this was. I just thought I had to stay going. I had another client who. Absolutely could be nailing the job. That's it.
Shown up an amazing [00:22:00] leader gets home, can't bring it together to walk in and make dinner. And then her breakdown was actually having to coach the local football team of under fives. It wasn't at the high performing job. It was like I've no more to give. I cannot, I can't. And then we started to work on boundaries.
It took her two weeks to summon the courage with the right wording. To create that boundary because her people pleasing was, oh my God, it was off the scale and she couldn't tell the other parents, I don't have the capacity for this. So when I'm working with clients, we even have to work through the wording of what they're going to say because they've gone in so deep with serving others so well that they almost don't know how to come back, or they almost don't know how to pause and it becomes that.
The lever or the catalyst for change, once they learn how to, you know, work back to the wealth that's most important to them, whether it's time, wealth, [00:23:00] health wealth, financial wealth or social wealth, those four wealths kind of dominate who you are and how you live. So once they establish what it is they want, it's easier to set the boundaries in their life that they need to come back from burnout back to their brilliant selves or back to their balanced selves.
Deirdre Martin: Oh, I love that. And that poor lady. Oh my God.
Claire O'Connor: Mm-hmm.
Deirdre Martin: I was like getting goose pimples there when you're talking about her and like Claire, for people who are listening, what? So you talked us through the five stages and they're super clear and really great to have for anybody listening.
But what are some of the really early indicators, like the micro signs that are happening and they're heading in that direction?
Claire O'Connor: Yeah there's loads, but they don't present anything other than I'm stressed out. Like you're snapping at your kids. You couldn't be bothered eating the dinner. The dinner might be in front of you, but it's like, oh, whatever.
There's an argument at work and you don't care. Or the opposite. You see an argument at work and you [00:24:00] feel the need to run in and fix it. You can't summon the energy to finish a letter that you've written writing or an email, or you don't really realize it, but you've got nothing left in the tank.
When you come home, all you wanna do is sit down and watch tv and that's normal to a point. But if it keeps going it becomes worrisome and throw away comments that you actually don't care what somebody's reaction is. Like I said, that irritated sleep. It really is important to note what's, like, I had a woman who when she burnt out her and she was running her own business, her number one thing was sleep and she couldn't figure out why it was that her sleep.
And she's a hustler. She's actually a sprinter for the USA, so she couldn't. Get it right. And she ended up investing in an eight bed. An eight bed is a really expensive bed. It's thermally regulated. It's got all the apps in the bed. And she started to study her sleep. And lo and behold, when she put her focus on something that she could [00:25:00] record statistically, it started to improve for her.
So it can look like anything, and most people blow it off as. Just a busy season. Mm-hmm. If you are saying that to yourself, it's just a busy time. I'll get over it. When the kids get back to school, I'll focus on myself. It never happens. 'cause the pressure eases off just enough for you to stay going
and then
Deirdre Martin: it's just, that's the habitual one then that's the habit.
That. Yeah.
Claire O'Connor: When you get that release, that holiday or whatever people think the rest is, it's not enough. You are still not functioning at your best. You're still in fight or flight mode, which creates dis-ease down the line. Hmm.
Deirdre Martin: And like you see it, you know, like so many people come home from work or finish work every day and they sit on the couch and they numb out with Netflix, or they numb out with a glass of wine or two or whatever their poison is, or, you know, numb out with shopping, online shopping.
Like people find ways, I think to No out. And [00:26:00] another one is by the description that you shared there. I call it checking out. So they're out of. The impact maybe that they're having. Empathy. It's empathy. Like I call it dili. Gaff. Do I look like I give a fuck? You know? Or I've only got so many folks to give, and that's not going to be on one of them.
And now that could be a healthy boundary thing, but you, yeah. Still it's like being mindful of that and is this really something that you should give a fuck about? And if not, yeah. If it is, well then, and you don't, well then awareness, right? So yeah,
Claire O'Connor: it comes back to awareness and that lack of awareness.
You don't care what kind of standard of work you're producing anymore. Or maybe you care so much that you can't stop. That's a really big one I see, is sometimes the awareness starts to come, like, I need to stop, but I don't know how. Mm. You might see that a lot with your clients is they really, really want it so much.
They really know that they need to protect their energy, time, sleep, whatever it is. But they don't know [00:27:00] how to stop. This is massive, especially for those high performers who own their own businesses who really want to achieve, they don't know how to stop, which is an absolute alarm bell. You mentioned there's someone working until three or 4:00 AM I mean, that's something that my body physically would stop me.
It, I just, because I've burnt out and learned all the everyday tools that I use, I couldn't do that. I just, I know what's gonna happen if I persevere.
Deirdre Martin: Yeah. Well that awareness is amazing that you have that and you have the tools now and the flags for you, and I'd love to hear then, so when people are in this or you know, they're recognizing they're doing these things, they're in any of those five phases, what are some of the things that they can do that they'll.
Help, like habits can be difficult to form. To create. Yeah.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah.
Deirdre Martin: What can they do?
Claire O'Connor: I think really it's worth mentioning what can they ask first of themselves? What is this costing [00:28:00] me?
Deirdre Martin: Mm-hmm.
Claire O'Connor: To stay in this situation or the way I'm feeling? What is it costing me? 'cause when people relate a cost to their suffering, they're able to kind of establish in their mind if it's worth.
Thinking about, you know, using a different path. For me it definitely cost me a hundred grand. That second burnout, I ended up taking a year outta school, out of work. As well as all the different, treatments I took and, you know, all the things I did. It was definitely a hundred K.
So what is it costing me to stay this way? That's the first step, especially if they're thinking, oh, that sounds a bit familiar. The second thing is awareness. So I have a really simple quiz. I'll give it to you, Deirdre. You can leave it on the podcast and it gives you a, an area i i in 1, 2, 3, 4, or five of the areas we discussed today, it's about two minutes, but it brings awareness to, oh, no I'm okay.
I'm not too bad. Or it also says, oh, I'm in about a stage three time to really step back and realize what am I [00:29:00] not? Including in my life right now that I traditionally use to keep myself in a balanced place. So what does it cost me? Where am I at now? And then what's not in my life now that kept me balanced?
So for me, that was exercise. For me it has to be outdoors and it has to be three times a week. I absolutely know that I'm kept well that way. So that's the quiz. You know where you're at, you know what you need to put back into your life if it's been missing.
[00:29:26] The 3-2-1 technique for nightly recovery
Claire O'Connor: There is another really simple nighttime technique. I was trying to think of the rapid fire stuff that we could talk about Deirdre, and this is one of them. It's called a 3, 2, 1 technique. Maybe you've heard of it, maybe you haven't. But it's a reframe for all the driven and passionate people who constantly self-critique, constantly say, I'm not good enough, I haven't done enough.
It's not fast enough. And that is. Just to rephrase that at night, getting into bed, you can journal it or you can just practice it in your head. Three things that went well today. Three things that I achieved, three things that I feel were successful, [00:30:00] two things I want to work on tomorrow, so that reframes the language you're using.
I didn't get this done. I didn't get that done. God, I still haven't finished that. Instead it says. They're the two priorities I have for tomorrow. So three things that went well. Two things that I want to work on tomorrow or that I could improve tomorrow, but let's stick with that. I want to work on, 'cause it removes that I haven't done it yet.
And one thing, I'm really proud and grateful for that kind of settles you in the moment. Now, Deirdre, this is really fast. You can do it in 30 seconds. Obviously if you write it down, you retain 24% more. But as time goes by, you're able to do it really quick. 3, 2, 1. What's gone well, I do my son coming home from soccer training.
Three things that went well. Two things you can work on in the next training. One thing you're really proud of, it's so simple. So let's reframe. Ask yourself what it's costing you. Is it costing you your business? Is it costing you your family? Is it costing you money because your time is taken?
Number two is, see where you're at with that quiz, and if you are afraid to [00:31:00] take it. You very definitely should take it. 'cause that's a warning sign. I'm nearly afraid to look. Number three then, is that the 3, 2, 1 technique that's really simple, really fast. And the last thing, I was trying to think, what else could we do really quickly before everyone spirals and that is protect your time a little more instead of jumping in with the people pleasing.
Yes. Say, I'll get back to you on that when I check my schedule. Can I get back to you on that? It's the simplest reframe on saying yes more slowly. And a lot of people who are high performers want to also get things done for other people. They're generous People ask a busy person and they'll get it done.
But really it's, can I get back to you on that? I think I'm caught there and it just reframes it in an easier way to say yes to them more slowly. You're giving yourself some breathing space. All in the name of self-awareness. Deirdre all in the name of getting yourself back to your brilliant self.
Deirdre Martin: Yeah. Oh my gosh. And they're so simple, easy, and don't [00:32:00] cost anything to do. And definitely go and check out Claire's quiz. Do the quiz, see where you're at. If any of the things that you've been talking about Claire or resonated with the people listening to do, definitely go and check that out. Claire.
Oh my gosh. I feel like this has been a whirlwind tour of what burnout is and how to overcome it. Is there anything that you haven't said yet that you feel, oh, I wish people knew this actually, about burnout?
Claire O'Connor: you know, it's more about your self-sabotage. When I work with clients we always investigate self-sabotage and usually when you realize what your self-sabotaging behaviors are and we go through it in depthly, it is a game changer.
Your own self-sabotage is like a blind spot to you. You can't even see when you're doing it. You might talk about what you do, but that doesn't always reflect the action you take on a daily basis to self-sabotage. And, you know, it's a really interesting [00:33:00] journey. Have a look at that. That's something that leads to burnout when you have these consistent sabotaging behavior.
So it's worth mentioning and it's worth people paying attention to.
Deirdre Martin: Hmm. I love that. And actually, I think there's a quiz that you can do with Positive Intelligence. If I can find a link for that, I'll share that in the show notes as well so people can see what their top saboteurs are. And I know for me, this is mine and I recognize when I'm doing it and it recognizing it, knowing that I'm doing it.
Avoid the burnout. What I do is if I'm stressed or I have decisions rolled around in my brain or there's things bothering me, I stay up super late and I sabotage my sleep. Mm-hmm. And let your US athlete sprinter also a sprinter, by the way. Maybe it's a sleep,
Claire O'Connor: the speed thing.
Deirdre Martin: Slow down. Yeah. It's, and like, oh gosh, I like fast horses, fast cars, fast running, all the things.
My love the story is sleep, right? So sleep. Yeah. I sabotage my sleep and then that when I'm [00:34:00] too tired because I've sabotaged my sleep, then I don't exercise, which I usually do every morning. And then when I haven't slept and I haven't exercised, I eat rubbish. Mm-hmm. I eat absolute crappy food. And then.
You just feel mh or don't you for a few days? Absolutely. Afterwards, it's like they say, what is it that they say? Isn't it like for, what did you eat 72 hours ago? Because that's how you wanna be feeling today. What did you do 72 hours ago, three days ago? What were you doing? 'cause that's impacting how you feel today.
Yeah, yeah. So for me, one of the things I've cut out, and I've done it regularly over the years, alcohol gone because that affects how I sleep. Mm-hmm. So I don't drink anymore. I've quit again. And I go through phases where I'll drink. For a couple of weeks or a couple of months, or a couple of years.
Like, and not heavily but just get rid of it. Yeah. And I feel so much better because, you know, I might have two glasses of wine, that's enough for me. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But by Monday or Tuesday, feel it.
Claire O'Connor: Mm-hmm. And it's
Deirdre Martin: like that impact on me then, you know, it's just not worth it. So, [00:35:00] you know, if you have, if anybody listening and that resonates.
Just think through what can you do to help you right now, but to help you 72 hours from now? Because your daily decisions determine your destiny. Absolutely. You know, all the Ds. Yeah.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah. And that's really good that you noted that it's alcoholic and that it's also anxiety inducing. Something as simple as a glass of wine can be very anxiety inducing.
The next day what happens? You start climbing the walls. You have all this underperforming, a sense of underperformance for all those business owners. If they can't manage it, it's really bad. Deirdre, one thing I didn't mention is sports people. Both of us are sports people. Burnout can also happen in sports performance.
And it doesn't mean that the burnout is coming from actually training for the sport. It could be from a different area of life. So what's really important there is. You could be burning out in one area, but it's showing up in your sports, or you could be burnt out from over training and it's showing up [00:36:00] at work.
So it's really important to notice that when burnout happens, it impacts every single area of your life. Work, sports even things like your relationships. It really starts to get cynical and messy and ugly. So really, if you think that you are on this trajectory. You know, please pause. Set yourself some honest boundaries that you can keep that are realistic for a couple of days in a row to see.
Can you notice change? And that reflection part is really important. Do I notice a change? Am I improving overall?
[00:36:38] How to rebuild sustainable habits without overhauling your life
Deirdre Martin: And what about habits, Claire? Have you any tips for people around habit formation so that yeah. Might improve what they're doing?
Claire O'Connor: For sure. It has to be one at a time.
Deirdre Martin: Yeah.
Claire O'Connor: I'm sure you've read James Clear Atomic Habits.
He kind of, he almost goes in so deep that it's hard to like, oh God, how many steps are there to making a new habit? Really what it is [00:37:00] pausing. Considering what's beneficial for you now and starting with the 15 minute rule. Can I do this for 15 minutes? Can I push back from the desk and take a walk for 15 minutes?
And then once you try it once, say, can I do this? Three times a week, the following week, then it should be more like, I can do this. It's not, can I anymore? It's I can. And then after a while, it's, why am I so good at this? So you're self questioning. So the brain starts to think. Oh, you are good at this.
Let's go. And all the time. It's constantly with the self though, it, you know, you have to build these habits slowly so that they're manageable, that they're not so far outside of your comfort zone that you can't achieve them. I think that's really important for everyone who's trying to add it in as well as their workload is keep it stupidly simple.
KISS keep it stupidly simple. 15 minutes at a time. Don't, you know, go, I'm gonna do this seven [00:38:00] days a week. Ridiculous. It'll be gone after three. So let's try and make it twice a week, then three times a week I can do this. Why am I so good at this? You know? And it all starts to snowball then into a new habit.
Consistency is key. Please don't try it seven days a week. It's consistency.
Deirdre Martin: Love that. I think that's such a great point as well. It's like it's no different to people who joined the gym in January and then by February they've gone from it. And, you know, I did that probably 20 something years ago and ever again.
But I think one of the things that I would add to that is to have something that triggers the habit. So some, it's kind of a reminder that triggers the habit and makes it easier. It's a bit like. Flossing. If you don't floss your teeth well then put the tooth floss, put it right beside the toothpaste, right?
Yeah, yeah. Put the floss beside the toothpaste and then you're going to remember to floss.
Claire O'Connor: Yeah. It's a habit stack. You're stacking the habits. So if you're not used to flossing and you're not good at it, leave it there beside it. If you're not used to drinking water, but you're going to be 10 hours, you know, in front of a screen [00:39:00] the water should be there.
There should be a constant, easy supply. Cheers. Yeah. Water obviously is a huge, brain performer as well. but like you say the trigger is really important. Whatever the trigger is could be an alarm on your calendar. I started some of my habits with an alarm on my calendar.
Actually making videos for my business was an alarm on my calendar. Make a two minute video every single day. And then I discovered, oh, well, that's not going to be achievable. So I put it back to three days a week. So what I'm saying is start small, small timeframe, make it manageable, make it achievable so that you can repeat consistently, and that's what James Clear is all about.
I
Deirdre Martin: love that, Claire, thank you so, so, so much. Incredible things in there. I know you have a fantastic program as well. If anybody's going through burnout and would like to talk Claire about that, be sure to go and check her out and she will help you create really great habits and experience that relief in seven days or less.
[00:39:56] Inside Claire's 90-day "Back to Brilliance" program
Deirdre Martin: Claire, tell people where can they find you and what do you [00:40:00] have coming up.
Claire O'Connor: Okay, I'd be absolutely delighted to speak to anybody, even just to help them out for a half an hour. It's Claire at claire O'Connor dot co not.com. I have to say this every time. I'm at Claire O'Connor, coaching on Instagram, Facebook.
I love LinkedIn. It's probably my most dominant platform. I love it. But you can reach out to me anytime or Claire O'Connor coaching online. So delighted to talk to anybody. Coming up then I've just started a new 90 day program, which is for high performing women, it's 90 days. By Christmas, these ladies are going to be rocking and rolling and on top of the world, a lot of them can feel the burnout, they're lacking the self-awareness.
So that's the program I spent a couple years studying. Of course, there's one-to-one coaching and yeah, lots of exciting things in the pipeline, but the one-to-one and the 90 day program to get people back to brilliance is very definitely on the menu at the moment.
Deirdre Martin: Claire, you are more certainly brilliant and people should definitely go and check out.[00:41:00]
So thank you so much for joining the show. It's been a pleasure having you.
Claire O'Connor: My absolute pleasure Deirdre.
Deirdre Martin: If anything Claire has just said, has you going, oh shit, that's me. Well, you need to take her two minute burnout quiz. It's fast, it's free, and it's gonna tell you exactly what phase you're in and what to do about it. You'll find it at Claire O'Connor. Do co. If you're scared to take it, that's your sign right there.
Okay. Let's land all of this and tie it all back in together. So Claire just dropped truth bomb after truth bomb on burnout. So what did she say? Let me sum it up. Burnout doesn't start when you collapse. It starts when you can't feel joy, can't make a decision and can't stop pushing through. There are five phases of burnout and most people are in stage two or three without even realizing it, probably most of the time.
And if you take only one thing [00:42:00] away from today, take this start saying, can I get back to you on that? Instead of saying yes. Because that little micro boundary could save your business, your body, and your fricking sanity. If you want to know what phase you're in, as I say, go and take Claire's burnout, self-awareness quiz at claire O'Connor dot co.
I'm gonna link it in the show notes here so you'll be able to catch it as well. It's simple, it's smart, and it might just change your life. And hey, if this episode made you feel seen, share it with one entrepreneur who you know is maybe quietly drowning or struggling a little bit behind the scenes. And then do me a favor, rate it, review the show, and follow wherever you're listening today, because around here, we don't do burnout.
What we do do is we keep mastering your business and your energy. So until next time. Keep mastering your business.
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